Every woman wants a man who loves her unconditionally and who is willing to lay down his life for her, one who can take a bullet for her without worrying about his own life. A woman has to respect and honour you but you have to make it possible for her to do that.
On a recent trip to Lesotho for our inspirational breakfast, we went to Thaba Bosiu, an amazing heritage site rich with historical data. At one point in this auspicious expedition, we arrived at "Khotla" (a traditional court). Our tour guide explained how back in days past, women were not expected to appear before a jury to stand trial for their own wrongdoing, but their husbands were supposed to stand trial on their behalf. This means that husbands had to bear whatever punishment was due to their wives - including death. This was due to the fact that men were expected to be leaders of their own households; to lead and show proper guidance to their wives and children. It is for this reason that I pen this article because I firmly hold true to this notion. I believe in men being in the driver’s seat, read more on this here
Here is how to lay down your life for your wife
1. Give your wife a hand: I am not referring to washing dishes and such, which you shouldn't do unless you are a bachelor or you want to, and your wife shouldn’t do it either; she should employ someone to do that. Hold her hand in the literal sense, all the time, especially in public, around your and her family. This may look like a small or insignificant gesture but it is vital, more when she is not feeling very confident, when her self-esteem has hit a knock, when she has gained some weight or is going through a rough patch, your hand will go a long way in providing the necessary comfort; it will say to her "I've got you covered, you might be looking a little overweight and feeling small but I am here, lean on me".
2. Acknowledge her: She shouldn't feel like a visitor or like she is on a temporary assignment in your life. You know you are a temp when you are expected to perform all your duties like permanent staff but you do not enjoy the same fringe benefits; you cannot even get paid unless you submit a timesheet. Being a temp in your relationship does not give you a sense of belonging, you keep looking over your shoulder lest you get replaced. Affirm her continuously, tell her you love her again and again, and don't assume that she knows. Shower her with lots of compliments, she desperately needs to hear all these from you.
3. Connect & cleave to her: Don’t deprive your wife of your time, connect with her. You have brought her into your life, she has left her family and joined yours. You have to leave yours as well and both of you should be one. You don't have to isolate families but there must be boundaries:
She might not be your mother's or sister's choice, but she is yours, ensure that she knows this beyond any doubt. If she tells you that she feels belittled or insulted by your family, don’t thrust her aside like a morning newspaper or discard her like yesterday’s trash; she is not being overly sensitive or petty. Realize that it hurts, those subtle comments that your family throws at her during family gatherings with a smile that you don't seem to get, she gets them and she is being crushed to the core while you play happy families, oblivious of her suffering. Don’t even suggest that she should ignore those remarks or that she should not take them personally, because they are too personal to ignore. Saying “baby you know my sister or my mother is like that” is an insult that she shouldn’t be expected to endure. Cover your wife from the scourge of your family.
Don't expect your wife to carry the load of raising your sister's kids, she is really not cruel but bringing nephews and nieces to stay with your wife is rough on her, especially if she has not been consulted first. You should put her first and stop buying appreciation from your own family at the expense of your wife. Nobody should come and stay at her house without her permission, nobody, including your mother forever pointing out her mistakes and how incapable she is at raising her own family. Allow her to help relatives from a distance not for people to invade her private space. Her home is her safe haven, her sanctuary where she can be herself and not have to tiptoe around judgemental eyes of relatives watching her every move, how she talks to you, how she behaves, what she wears, what she cooks, what she can and cannot do. Let her enjoy her zone peacefully.
I am about the empowerment of men, nothing else. I believe in men so much that I do not want to hear any man going on about how they don’t understand women, that is why I am bringing you an insight into understanding your own. If she has been complaining without ceasing, you are okay, there is hope for you, she is willing to work on sorting out issues, even if you are fighting, screaming at each other, you are still okay too. If she shuts down and hides inside her own shell, you need help. Take action. Fight for your wife.
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