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Silent Fathers

Updated: Oct 4, 2019

My Tuesday Thoughts

A Quiet Place is a 2018 science fiction horror movie directed by funny man John Krasinski, who stars in the movie with his wife Emily Blunt. It is about a family struggling to survive in a world invaded by fearsome, murderous and blind creatures who hunt using sound. As the family struggles to survive, the son finds a toy. His father removes the battery so that it does not make any sound, but the daughter who is deaf gives it back to the little boy who then picks up the batteries and puts them back into the toy. As the family walks home, they suddenly hear the sound of the toy, the father races towards his son, but it is too late, the creature seizes and kills the boy. As a result of this the daughter is feeling guilty and is hoping her father will say something or signal to her that he is not holding this against her.

Are you a father who is providing financially for your kids, pay school fees, buy clothes and ensure that your children are fed, but have not realized the importance of speaking life to your own kids. The 23 chromosomes you gave your child is truly appreciated, but your child needs more than your DNA. Your child needs to hear you encourage, affirm, applaud them. Are you too busy working hard to provide for their physical needs while ignoring their emotional and psychological needs. Your kids need more of you, not necessarily what you can do for them. Take time to tell your children that they are important to you, that you believe in them, that their dreams are important not only to them but to you too.

In the movie, the father died and still hadn’t once expressed what his daughter wanted to hear, he just could not tell his daughter that he did not blame her for the death of her little brother. She was left feeling punished for her mistake. The irony of this is that the child who really longed to hear words of love, affirmation and comfort was deaf, had no capacity to hearing the very words that she so desperately needed to hear.

Sarah’s story is a little different. She only met her dad when she was 18. Her father actually contacted her and introduced himself to her and they agreed to meet. She had just completed matric and was going to university, so she was in high spirits to have found her dad, but as soon he heard of her plans to go to university he disappeared only to resurface 4 years later when she had completed her university studies. He kept disappearing and resurfacing like that for years until Sarah was now a successful woman that he re-appeared, but this time he had a plan. He had kids that he wanted Sarah to look after, and he didn’t introduce them all at the same time, he thought he was smart so he would tell her about a brother that Sarah has who is struggling and needed help here, and a sister a week after who is unable to pay school fees there. When Sarah spoke to me, she had counted a total of 6 siblings.

Her father is the type to send her memes, you know those nice good morning words written by other people, he hasn’t invested time to actually pick up the phone and say good morning my child and talk to his daughter and tell her he loves her, or that she is important to him. He refuses to affirm this person that he opts to relinquish his fatherly responsibility onto; that he expects to be the mother and provider of all these siblings that she has never met. Sarah understands that her father was not able to provide for her as a young girl but has waited for him to use his own words to encourage her, to build her, to motivate her and to tell her that he believes in her, but he has failed to do that.

Sarah, Paul, Tim, Mary, Palesa, Mpho, Tshepo, all of you who have been waiting for fatherly affirmation and encouragement and it doesn’t look like it is coming, it is time to take matters into your own hands now, you have waited long enough, you have complained long enough about your father. Take your power, speak into your own life, encourage yourself, high five yourself and agree with your own self, build your own self up. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful Sarah, you are extraordinary, unstoppable, successful, smart. Scream it, shout it, cry, but refuse to shut up. Speak it to yourself, prophesy to your own life, it is time to take charge now. Arise and shine, this is your time.

Finally forgive your father and release him. Then dream big, write your vision, work out your goals, write your book, start your company, make lots of money, be brave, have gumption, guts, spunk and moxie. Get out and be very conspicuous, you’ve been hiding for far too long. Go blond, get some highlights in your hair, and do something that you didn’t think you could do, and unblock your father while you’re at it. Then we can talk about world peace!

Thought: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9