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To all the men I've loved before (and the women who have them)

Updated: Oct 4, 2019

My Tuesday Thoughts!

This was a 1983 pop hit song that Willie Nelson sang and so did Julio Iglesias. They rang these beautiful words in our ears many moons ago, but they were really singing to all the girls they used to love. I however, am singing to men, because I love men, I think about men more than any normal woman does. I just love them. I love how they are built, I love the way they do things, the way they hold their bodies when they walk, I love their strength, I love watching how they hold the steering wheel as they drive. So it is when they are in the driver's seat that I feel safe, when they are in control, when they make proper decisions that impact our lives that I love them even more.

It was when I heard my friend's son proudly bragging about his girlfriend's achievements that I realized a little bit of a misalignment going on. The said girlfriend has a degree and is pursuing another one, while the boyfriend has no degree at all or plans to pursue one. I know I was a little bit harsh when I told him his girlfriend wasn't going to stay around for too long, and she shouldn’t. No woman wants to be with a man who has no vision, no dream and no drive. A woman falls in love with a man who has direction for his life, who is going somewhere, who she can support and encourage. Even if you are unemployed or have no business but you have to have a dream and vision and have a clear idea of how you are going to take care of yourself and hopefully a family. It is the responsibility of a man to be the provider not the woman. You cannot be a stay at home man and still hope that your wife will continue to love and respect you, it is not possible, she will not be able to love and respect you even if you force her. You have to have dreams and get up and work towards reaching your goals, you cannot sit there coming up with what you believe are dreams that she has to finance, you cannot wake up with a great idea to start a business but then expect her to come up with the money to finance your big dream. You have to finance your own dreams.

You cannot roll back and pull the covers when she wakes up at 4:00am in the cold winter morning to go to a job she hates, to sit in traffic in a car she can't afford to pay, bring back a salary that is not enough for food, rent, school fees, transport, your data, your airtime, your newspaper and everything in between. I hate to tell you, big fella, what you have here is a time bomb and you don’t want to see her explode and wreak havoc because she’s about to explode.

There are too many men busking in the sun on a daily basis, going nowhere slowly. You have given up on life; you just exist in limbo because you have lost your power and feel disempowered. We all talk about women empowerment, which is great but we need empowered men also. It is all good to be empowered as a woman to be encouraged to pursue a degree or two or more, and these takes years to accomplish, the reality is when you finally get them and that beautiful house, and that fancy beautiful car you will be in your 30s and men who are available are not able to reach your standard, those who can are interested in 20 something year olds who look up to them. Empowered women are mostly single and going on about how happy and single they are, that is not true, stop lying sisters, we are not okay single. It is depressing, it is frustrating, you cannot survive a day in solitary confinement. Let them throw you in there and throw away the keys. You will cry like a baby, because we cannot exist alone, we don't just need our friends, we need our men. You need strong arms that can hold you when you can't stand, you need broad shoulders that can allow you to cry, and I mean seriously cry. Your friends can let you vent and shed a tear or two, but after that you need a man to hold you, you need to lay your head on that hairy chest and weep to your heart's content without judgement. Men will never judge you, but your friends will, they will roll their eyes and remind you how they told you so.

Let us love and encourage our men, build them up, polish them, renew them, restore them and empower them. Let us cover them and stop discussing their weaknesses with our colleagues and friends, laying them bare and vulnerable. Your man needs more encouragement than you can imagine, boost your man's ego, tell him what he longs to hear, that you appreciate him and that he truly is the next best thing that ever happened to you, that's what his mother is doing, hence she gets all his attention. Your man wants to feel needed and wanted; he wants to feel like he is the real deal in your life. He is too weak and too fragile, go on rub your "horse" a little bit - there's a race that you must run and you need this strong "horse" polished and shiny to win this race. Go get your man, girl. It’s about time!

Thought: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” – Proverbs 27:17