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Wrong Beliefs Sabotaging Your Chances of Finding Love

Dintle was clearly beat as she threw herself on the chair and kicked her heels. Our casual conversation led to discussions of matters of the heart. While on face-value all appeared to be well with her, she expressed her frustration and how unfulfilled her life is. She is really living the life of many people’s dreams but finds it empty and unsatisfactory. Her beautiful house and an equally impressive car and amazing job do not fill the emptiness that she says she feels. She spends most of her time between work and church and nothing else besides an occasional visit to the gym at 6am on Sunday mornings.


She yearns for love but self-sabotages herself as she has acquired some wrong beliefs about relationships and men over the years which are hindering her from finding love. Life that has no balance between play, work, church and love is not life at all. It is awfully boring, extremely depressing and lacks lustre. She has come to realize that and is now working on changing her life, she already has a smile on her face while she works on removing the wrong beliefs and replacing them with new ones. If like Dintle you find that the scales do not balance equally; that other areas of your life are full while your love life has gone beyond your reserve tank, and you are now running on an empty tank and you hate it, stay close because this article is for you.


Beliefs are simply opinions, views or principles. They are opinions that we have learned and adopted from the people we have watched growing up. These are usually family members, friends or people in our communities. Some of the beliefs are tremendously negative and do nothing but hinder one from enjoying fulfilment in life. Since everyone is entitled to their opinions, you are entitled to yours too, their opinions do not have to take precedence over yours.


Here is how to free yourself from the negative and wrong opinions and replace them with great ones that will benefit you.


She is too old for love: Dintle wanted to concentrate on her studies while people her age were getting married. Now at 37 she finds that the general view of everyone around her is that, she has long past her sell-by date so she should give up on love, and just get a dog, a pot plant and two cats and find purpose in tending to their needs. She did get a dog and has found that men now talk to her while she walks her dog and she is enjoying walking her dog and being talked to as opposed to being at the gym alone at 6am on Sunday where there was no one to chat to her. Her whole personality is changing as a result and she feels lively and men do not think she is old.


Men want your possessions: This view had imprisoned her for so long that she was so guarded thinking that men would only be interested in her because of her material possessions. She has since found that most of those who have been showing interest in her, do not know where she stays, or what she drives or what her job is, they have not even asked her, so she is learning to open up to them without worrying about the stuff she owns. She is also learning to understand that relationships are a two-way street, a give-and-take type of thing where you give something and get something from the other person. While she is enjoying the chats, she is also learning to understand her own needs and what she wants from relationships as well as what she is willing to give in return.


Your “Boas” will find you: She was of the opinion that as a Christian, she had to wait for Boas to find her and so she waited and waited but Boas was out there. The truth is, you have to position yourself for your Boas to see you. If you haven’t met him at work or at church; you will not meet him if you spent all your time indoors or in your car. You have to position yourself to be seen and to be talked to by your Boas. He might not even know of your existence if you are in hiding, so go down to the where he is; he is somewhere in the threshing floor, take your position and know who you are; be sure of your identity and be ready to answer him when he asks you “Who are you?”


It is of utmost importance therefore to work on yourself while you wait to be found and talked to. You have to be on the move, doing something, going somewhere, whether you are walking your dog or going to the shop. Working on yourself simply mean, building your character traits, knowing your core values and realizing the stuff you are made of; what sets you apart from the rest; what you value as important to you.


Know without a shadow of a doubt that you are one of a kind, not a copy of anyone else. So shine and embrace the light that you exude. Do not allow anyone or their opinions or views to dim your radiance and your sparkle and stop you from finding love. A candle cannot be hidden under a basket; it is placed on a stand to light the whole house. So go on and shine so you can be seen, found and talked to; especially by your potential Boas.